Live Well, Laugh Often, Love Always

★　Score with the girls!

Score With The Girls!


In the world of romance, men need to adhere to one simple rule: Make the woman happy. Do something she likes & you get points. Do something she dislikes & points are subtracted. You don't get any points for doing something she expects - sorry, that's the way the game is played.


Social Engagements

You stay by her side the entire party => 0
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college drinking buddy -2
Named Tiffany => -4
Tiffany is a dancer => -6
Tiffany has implants => -8
When mingling, you hold your mate's hand and gaze at her lovingly => +1
When mingling, you introduce her as "the old ball and chain" and pat her on the rump => -5
When she points out a hot-looking woman and asks if you think she's pretty, you say, Yes, but nowhere near as pretty as you => +1
When she points to a woman and asks if you think she's pretty, you say, Yeah, but don't worry,she's lousy in bed => -6
That woman is her sister -90
You have one drink, and that's it 0
You have more than a few and perform the tango with a poodle -2
You have a lot of drinks, vaguely remember being fingerprinted => -18


Saturday Afternoon

You go to the mall together +3
You go to the mall, drop her off in front,then park the car +4
Then drive to a sports bar => -2
You spend the day shopping for furniture and pretend to like it +3
You spend the day shopping for furniture, and nap on a sectional => 0
You spend the day at a wholesale club, buying in bulk +3
Most of it chips and beer => -6
You tackle a large household project, such as painting the den +15
Or refinishing the floors => +19
Or rewiring the basement +21
Or adding a second floor +25
Or setting up a Nerf Ball hoop over the bathroom wastebasket -6
You visit her parents 1
You visit her parents and actually make conversation => 3
You visit her parents and stare vacantly at the television => -3
And the television is off => -6
You spend the afternoon watching football in your underwear -6
And you didn't even go to the college => -10
Drinking beer => -12
And it's not your underwear -15


Her Birthday

You take her out to dinner => 0
You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar => +1
Okay, it is a sports bar -2
And it's all-you-can-eat night -3
It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colors of your favorite team => -10
You go to a nice, pricey restaurant and hire a guitar player +3
You get up and sing => +4
And you stink => +2
And you're not half bad => +5
You sing an AC/DC song, and you're escorted out to much applause => -2
You give her a gift => 0
It's a power tool => -20
It's a small appliance => -10
It's not a small appliance => +1
It's not a chocolate => +2
A gift that you'll be paying off for months => +30
You wait until the last minute and buy her a gift that day => -10
With her credit card -30
And whatever you bought is two sizes too big => -40
And you leave the sale price on => -50


Thoughtfulness

You forget her birthday completely => -10
You forget your anniversary -20
You forget to pick her up at the airport => -25
Which is in Newark, New Jersey -35
And the pouring rain dissolves her leg cast => -50


A Night Out With The Boys

Go out with a pal => -5
And the pal is happily married -4
Or frighteningly single => -7
And he drives a Trans Am -10
With a personalized license plate (GR8 N BED) -15
You have a few beers => -5
And miss curfew by an hour => -10
You get home at 3 am => -20
Smelling of booze and cheap cigars => -30
And not wearing any pants => -40
Is that a tattoo??? =>-200


A Night Out

You take her to a movie => +2
You take her to a movie she likes +4
To a movie you hate (anything with Barbara Streisand) => +6
To a movie you like => -2
It's called DeathCop 3 => -7
Which features cyborgs having sex -9
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans and dogs -15
When asked how she looks, you reply, "fine" or "nice" => 0
You reply, "beautiful" or "gorgeous" => +5
You reply anything without being asked => +10
You notice something she did special, (hair, nails, eyelashes) => +15
You mention you like her new hairdo => +15
She says she had that done last week -10


Flowers

You buy her flowers only when it's expected => 0
You buy her flowers as a surprise, just for the hell of it => +5
You can actually name a few of them => +8
You can name all of them, because you hand selected them => +10
You give her wildflowers you've actually picked yourself => +10
And she contracts Lyme disease -25


Your Physique

You develop a potbelly => 0
You develop a noticeable potbelly -10
You develop a potbelly and exercise to get rid of it => +10
You resort to loose jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts -5


Driving

You lose the directions on a trip -4
You lose the direction and end up getting lost => -10
You refuse to ask for directions => 0
You end up getting lost in a bad part of town -15
You meet the locals up close and personal => -25
She finds out you lied about having a black belt -60


Communication

When she wants to talk about a problem: => -5
You listen, displaying what looks like a concerned expression => 0
She realized the TV is on behind her -10
You listen, for over 30 minutes => +5
More than 30 minutes, without looking at the TV => +10
She realizes this is because you've fallen asleep => -10


The Big Question

She asks, "Do I look fat?" => -5
(Sensitive things always start with a deficit)
You hesitate in responding =>-10
You pretend you didn't hear-12
You reply, "Where?" => -25
You reply, "Compared to what?"-30
You reply, "But I like you that way"-35
You reply, "Not for your age" =>-40